My husband and I were sitting outside a coffee house in Silver Lake, L.A.

One of our favorite pastimes: Chilling, relaxing and leisurely working on our businesses.

I was preparing for my upcoming School of Love event titled ‘How to Train Your Man’ and I had written down a list of items, things that work and that don’t work in personal relationships.

It read like this:

Stop being right

Communicate positively

Be OK with not knowing 

Control your moods

Tell stories

Let go, chill

Don’t think for him

His problems are not your problems

Be his coach

Be his coach?

In my training, I had heard this a lot: “If you want to make your relationship work you have to learn how to be his coach.” One of my mentors had even written a book on the topic – and I had read it, too.

And here I was, wondering if I had ever understood what ‘be his coach’ really meant. Surely, you can’t tell him what to do or how to do it. I had tried that to no avail. Images of football movies flashed through my mind, coaches pacing up and down in locker rooms, looking tough, steaming, upset with their team’s performance. I was pretty sure that wasn’t it either.

So, I decided to ask my husband. He looked at me with a sort of ‘knowing’ in his eyes. “What you see in movies is not really what coaches do,” he said.


“What does a coach do then?”

“He points out what’s brilliant.”


“A coach sees what the athlete can’t see when he is performing. He understands the athlete’s strengths and weaknesses and shows him how to improve his game.”

“But clearly,” I answered, “If I pointed out your weaknesses it wouldn’t go over very well. How does a coach do this?”

“By telling stories. By showing him how other top athletes do it. By inspiring him and believing in him. This makes a player want to do anything to perform better and to win.”

It was as if a missing piece had just fallen into place. It was so simple. And, it was what I do every day: coaching.

Funny how at times we can’t see the obvious that’s right in front of us.

I felt as if I had discovered the code to a secret chamber. And, I got really excited to share all of this with my group at our next meeting.

If you are not part of the School of Love events, don’t worry, I’ll share some of it in my next blog post: “5 Essential Relationship Secrets Every Woman Must Know.”

What are your relationship secrets? What do you do to keep the chemistry alive? Please share with us in the comment section below.

As always, thanks for reading.



Photo Source: dprotz via Flickr under a Creative Commons License


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