What’s Keeping You From Finding Him?


At one of my recent School of Love events we talked about finding and keeping the man of your dreams. In today’s post I want to share some of the insights we gained with you, as well as the first steps in finding love.

One of the observations we made was this: If you are trying to find a man but are not in an intimate relationship right now, chances are you don’t really want to be in one. And, more often than not, it’s unconscious fears that are holding you back.

If you want to find love it’s important to identify those hidden fears.

This is how they show up: Every time you think about having a fabulous relationship, a little voice creeps in telling you things like, “Oh, yeah, how are you going to do that? First you’ll have to lose that extra weight.” Or, “Don’t kid yourself, you’re not interesting enough or pretty enough, or ___________ to attract the guy you really want.”

fearTo justify your fears, you make excuses. You look for evidence. You tell yourself that there are no good men out there, that the ones that are available are not interesting – or not interested in you, that a relationship is nothing but pain, that you’ll have to give up your independence, that you can’t have what you want in a relationship, etc.

So, what can you do?

First, relax, breathe and let go. If you truly want to find a man, the one that’s right for you, you can. He’s actually already out there.

Then, be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back from finding him? Let those fears bubble up and take a good look at them. What are the voices in your head telling you? What stories are they making up? How are they trying to convince you that you can’t have everything you want?

Once you are fully aware of your fears, take some small steps to expand into them. Instead of pushing them away or ignoring them, accept them, be with them and really get to know them. How does it feel to have that fear? Where in your body do you feel it? What are the sensations that go along with it? How would your life be without it?

This is a very important step. Realizing and dealing with your fears will serve you in all areas of your life. As long as you keep them hidden away in the subconscious they’ll keep attracting the very things you are afraid of.

Remember, you are an amazing person, you are wonderful and you deserve to have everything and anything you want in your life including a great partner and a wonderful relationship.

Now that you have dealt with your fears and are able to recognize them, you are ready to take the next steps of exploring what it is you really want – in a man, in your life and in a relationship. More about that in my next post.

As always, thank you for reading.

Love and Light,



In the comment section below I’d like you to share with us what you are discovering about your fears. Are you able to recognize some of them? How are they preventing you from having the perfect man in your life?


Want to share your ideas and thoughts with me? Comment on my Facebook page, or simply write to me. I’d love to hear from you.

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And, if you’d like to work with me to discover your special rock star qualities, consider participating in a one-on-one session – for women who want to find their gift, fall in love with themselves and change the world!


Photo Source: Ollie Crafoord via Flickr under a Creative Commons License