In one of my seminars, a woman asked me, “How do you know how much a man loves a woman? They certainly don’t to tell us every day, do they?”
I asked my husband that same question when I got home that evening. “How can you tell how much a man loves a woman?” He thought about it for a brief moment and then replied, “By what he is willing to do for her.” Plain and simple.
Men want to be heroes.
Not just every once in a while, no, they like to be heroes pretty much all the time. They are naturally driven to be the best at what they do and they practice this from the moment they are born. “Look, I can jump higher,” my girlfriend’s son told me the moment he entered our house. Men are born to be champions and if you have one in your life chances are, he wants to be yours.
He may show this in simple and unpretentious ways when carrying your heavy suitcase, washing your car, and being at your side to protect you from the big bad world out there. Or he may be a driven businessman making lots and lots of money for you to enjoy. It does not matter, big or small, men crave to help and be our heroes.
It’s their way to say I love you.
If men show affection by what they do for us, how do we respond? If you take a look around, it seems that many women are ignorant to the fact that men actually love doing the hard work for us. It certainly was true for me. “Don’t bother, I’ll take care of it,” was my favorite phrase any time a man wanted to give me a hand. “I know how to do it.” And of course, I did, but somehow it wasn’t that much fun. It took me years to figure out that a simple yes, thank you was much more enjoyable for him and for me.
Most women will even tell you the opposite. “He never helps,” is a common complaint. “I have to do all the work.” How is that possible? What about all those men sitting on the couch doing nothing? How are they showing their love?
Here is the trick. Men like to be our heroes in their own ways. If you constantly tell them what to do and how to do it, it’s not going to work. Tough one? Try it out. Maybe you’ll find that it is much easier to admire men for who they truly are than trying to turn them into something they are not.
What’s your experience?
As always, thank you for reading.
Karin
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Great post – and so true. I find that my husband is more likely to do stuff around the house when I’m not home because he feels like he is ‘taking care of things’ then, rather than being asked to do them. I find if I let him be a hero whenever he needs, he does it whenever I need it too.
Kirsten
It may seem that men want to be heros. What they really want is to be repsected for who they are. When they feel respected, they feel like they are your hero
So how do you actually let your partner / wife know that all you want to be is a Hero!? Do you just tell her or are there other more subtle ways??
Great question, Johan. You can tell her that you really like making her happy by … fill in the blank with all the ways you like being her hero. Many women wish men would tell them more often how much they love and appreciate them. So, words can be very powerful.
This is SO eye opening. Thank you so much. I’ve been struggling with the different communication styles between my partner and I and this post (plus your other posts along these lines) makes so much sense.
Thank you for reading, Kay, so glad it made a difference!
Karin
My man kept a man from bullying me. It was about to start but the agitator did not get far. My man sent a messenger to him with a very convincing message to back away from me. The agitator would not look at me when he past by. He evemtually apologized. I told my man thank and also told him he is my hero!!
BRILLIANT!!!