Relationships are what matters most in life.

The quality of our connections determines our level of happiness.

Unfortunately, all too often we turn away from each other when what we really want is getting closer.

This happens not only in relationships but in almost all aspects of life. People make decisions based on fear and misconceptions and as a result pull away and disconnect from the very things they want.

Nowhere is this as evident as in relationships. I firmly believe that what people want most is to be together. We want to be loved, cherished, understood and appreciated. Yet, much too often we are separated by misunderstandings and conflicts that eat away at our intimacy.

In her article “A Couples Therapist Screws Up”, Darby Saxbe talks about her  experience when she tried to have her way in her relationship. She went from pushing and pulling, trying to get her way by telling her boyfriend what to do, to learning how to put down her weapons, lean in and collaborate. If you want to find out how she did this, you can find the full article here.

As with everything we want to become good at, we need to study, learn, practice and make mistakes to master it. Relationships are no exception. Maybe we expect that we should just know how to do it. Sadly, we don’t! There aren’t many couples who are just naturally good at having wonderful partnerships. The good news is that it is absolutely possible to have great intimacy and harmonious relationships if we put our minds to it. Isn’t this a goal worth while reaching for?

As always, thank you for reading.



To find out more about Darby Saxbe’s couples therapy approach, visit the Integrative Behavioral Couple Therapy website.


Photo: Death to the Stock Photo