Men show their appreciation through achievements, women through words.
In one of my seminars a woman asked, “How do you know how much a man loves a woman? They certainly don’t seem to tell us every day, do they?” I asked my husband the same question that evening, “How can you tell how much a man loves a woman?” He thought about it for a brief moment and then said, “By what he is willing to do for her.” Plain and simple.
In relationship coaching, this issue comes up in almost every session. Men and women show their love differently and not only does this create conflict, it also causes huge amounts of pain.
Women want to talk to men about their feelings.
As women, we create environments of pleasure and relaxation by sharing and talking. It relaxes us. The problem is, it doesn’t relax men in the same way. On the contrary, it creates tension and confusion for them. Don’t get me wrong, men do want to please us, do the right thing, and say the right words, but often they simply don’t know how. If a man talks to his woman in a way that soothes her it’s likely that she has shown him how. In most cases, men will remain silent and women will feel hurt.
Why is it so painful when a man doesn’t respond with attention, words, smiles, and those little gestures that make us feel better?
As women, we are naturally aware of what goes on around us. We pay attention to the tone in a room, to the mood of the people in that room, we smooth out ups and downs in the energy around us, we smile, we touch, we play, and we make sure everybody’s happy. It’s a natural flow, it’s easy and it feels good. We are used to showing our affection that way and it creates a void when a man doesn’t respond the same way.
What can we do about it? Below are several ways to bring out the love in your man:
Don’t expect him to be something he’s not.
You can be angry at your guy for not getting it (and be miserable for the rest of your life) or you can accept him for who he is. It’s up to you.
Avoid talking to him about your feelings.
Especially when you are down, upset, stressed out or otherwise tense. Chances are, it’s going to end badly. He might give you advice, tell you what to do, or otherwise try to fix your problem. Instead, take a hot bath, chill out, watch a movie, or talk to a girlfriend. Women know how to comfort you and make you feel better.
Ask him for help.
Remember, men like showing their love by doing things for you. Learn to ask for support. Tell him about a problem you are confronted with and ask him how he would handle it. You might be surprised how fast he comes up with a solution. This is where men thrive. They love to think strategically and fix problems. It’s easy for them and it makes them feel good about themselves.
Tell him when he does something you like. Instead of complaining about what he’s doing wrong, tell him what he’s doing right. It will go a long way.
Give him a chance to win.
Men like to be heroes and they like to win for you. Let him be brilliant and have the last word. So many women have to constantly prove that they can do it themselves. It’s exhausting. Let go of control and relax. Realize how much he wants to impress you, how much he revels in your admiration, and enjoy your feminine power.
Good luck and as always, thank you for reading.
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Photo Source: Katie Tegtmeyer via Flickr under a Creative Commons License