We recently moved.
After living in a small desert oasis for three years we moved back to the city and something funny happened to me: I started to remember myself again. Not that I had totally forgotten who I was, but there was a part of me that had not been fully alive living in a small community.
The truth is, I am not a small town girl, never have been, probably never will be. I love being where the action is. When I am sitting in my office now, windows open, the California sun shining in, the buzz of the city in the distance, I feel happy. There are people out there, going places, doing things and I can meet them, talk to them, know them. It’s my life source, it’s the way I am wired.
For me it was a reminder of how easy it is to get lost in this big world of choices.
I did not grow up in a city but in a very small village in the Black Forest. While I loved roaming the woods behind our house, I never felt completely at ease there and I remember that even though I loved the sounds of the forest and the magical creatures of nature, it filled me with a deep sadness of something that was not me.
My first venture into a big city happened when I was 4 years old. My uncle came to visit. From Santiago de Chile. I was in awe. He brought with him a flair of unknown places and a fascinating way of speaking German. Before leaving he asked me if I wanted to come with him. Most likely he meant it as a joke. Me, I went into my room and packed my little suitcase. I was ready to discover the world.
I stayed in South America for 8 month, turned 5, visited the next door kindergarten and LOVED all of it. My memories of that time are alive and vivid. I remember feeling internally light and happy. There was action, city noise and adventures to be found at every corner. People spoke in a strange language that I picked up easily. It was warm and sunny and the smells of the city fascinated me.
If you are a country person you may not understand. You may need nature and solitude to feel complete. We are all different and what fits for me may not fit for you. What is crucial is to get our lives just right to be fully happy. If you are an animal person, surround yourself with them, if you love the country side, get out of the city. If you love getting up in front of people, find opportunities to do so. Every time you compromise, a part of you dies.
What if you don’t know what brings you alive? Experiment, try things out. A good coach can help you to remember yourself again and show you what it is that lights you up. Deep down you probably already know. Sometimes we are not born into the right circumstances but you can certainly create them for yourself.
What are the things you need to be fully alive? I’d love to find out.
As always, thank you for reading.
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