Has anyone ever told you that if you are not getting what you want, you don’t want it bad enough?

Did you find it encouraging? I didn’t.

Years ago, when living in Manhattan as a single mom with three kids, I woke up one morning and realized that I was ready to find the man of my life. After years of being on my own, convinced that being in a relationship wasn’t something that I was good at, the desire for a best friend and lifelong companion, had returned. I was ready and this time it would be different. I had done my homework. I had read books and taken seminars. I had worked with men and women on what makes a relationship great, and I had become a better person for it.

And so, the search began. I went to networking events and mixers, I met other single men and women, I went on dates, and the more I looked, the more uncertain I grew. Who wanted a single mom with three kids? Weren’t guys just one big headache? Did I really want to go through the trouble of finding one? Was what women kept telling me true, were there really no good men in New York?

Thinking back, I realize that while I had a strong desire to have a man in my life, other people’s opinions and my own insecurities had gotten the better of me. I had grown confused and the conviction that I could find Mr. Right had taken a beating.

If you find yourself in a similar situation, this is what I want you to do:

Remember your desires. Sit down, connect with your heart, and conjure up all the desires you have – or had. Bring them to life in your imagination. Are some easier to access than others? Are some crystal clear and others vague or diffused? Write them down.

Validate your desires. Your desires are real. Acknowledge them. Give yourself permission to have anything you want. Nobody is judging you, nobody has a say in it, but you.

Strengthen your resolve. Now, tune into your desires and chose the one that is most dominant; the biggie you keep coming back to that is itching to be turned into reality. If feelings of doubt, fear, or hesitation arise, resist the urge to back away. Instead, welcome and simply “be” with them. Accepting, instead of avoiding your insecurities helps to strengthen your resolve.

Gain clarity. Most important, get clear on the specifics of what you want. Be as concrete as possible. Find out all there is to know and talk to the people who are doing what you want to do. Be honest about your strengths and weaknesses. Learn what you don’t know and deepen what you do. Educate yourself, research, investigate, and do your homework. This will bolster your determination to make it happen. It will inspire and encourage you to take action.

Clarity and knowledge will give you the power to forge ahead and turn what’s now a mere desire into reality.

Now it’s your turn: do you have a desire you care deeply about that has lost its juice? What is the one step you can take today to get closer to making it real? Take a moment and share with us in the comments below.

As always, thank you for reading,



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