Women intuitively know how to build and nurture relationships.
We are sensitive to other people’s needs, we know how to comfort someone in pain and we take interest in the stories and tragedies of life. When it comes to relationships with the other sex, however, our common sense often fails us.
In part, this is due to the differences between men and women. What works in relating to other women doesn’t apply when connecting with a man. Below, I am listing the 10 most common mistakes I have seen women make in intimate relationships.
Please feel free to add what you have observed in the comment section below. I’d love to find out what works for you.
1. Men Are Not Like Women. A lot of relationship blunders are based on the common misconception that men and women are alike. In reality, men are not anything like us. Understanding this and applying it to your relationship will save you a lot of headaches (and heartaches). Do your homework and get interested in how men really think. Knowing just how different they are is essential in having a great relationship.
2. What You Have is What You Get. It’s astonishing how many women are dishonest with themselves when it comes to their relationship: “He will get a divorce soon; he will make a lot of money once he sells his novel; he will treat me nicer after his job slows down;” etc. Start to see your relationship for what it is and not for what you want it to be. If he is not treating you with respect now, chances are, he will not change his ways tomorrow.
3. Men Don’t Get You. Have you ever gone out with a man who seemed to really get you? Just to realize later that maybe he didn’t?
To most men women are confusing. We don’t communicate in the same linear way they do, we jump from topic to topic, share stories, relate experiences and communicate to connect. Men want to get to the point and solve problems.
Be attentive to this: Just because he enjoys your company and likes listening to your stories does not mean that you are both on the same page.
4. Manipulation Will Cost You Intimacy. Some women use emotions to manipulate men into giving them what they want. Using tears, moods and temper tantrums may occasionally work, in the end it will leave you isolated and lonely. Nobody likes to be around a drama queen. Learn to manage your moods in a healthy way and ask for what you want with honesty and kindness. You will be surprised how much easier it is than putting on a big scene.
5. Keeping Tabs? Do you have a hard time being satisfied, no matter how much your man is trying to please you? Or, are you constantly doing all the work, giving him the feeling that he is never doing enough? This type of behavior will slowly take the life our of your relationship and leave you and your partner resentful and frustrated. Notice what you are doing and stop keeping tabs. The best way to do this is by finding out what it is you really want and to focus on that instead.
6. Be Attentive to Your Own Needs: It’s tempting: to be there just for him, to neglect your career, your friendships and your own needs. It’s all fine if this is what really fulfills you and makes you happy. Otherwise you may end up depriving yourself from your own needs and end up angry, moody, and in the worst case scenario, lose your self-worth and confidence. Be very attentive to what you need to be happy and keep pursuing what lights you up.
7. Don’t Confuse Sex With Love. When looking for a long term relationship women sometimes confuse a man’s sexual interest with their own romantic need. If a man is attracted sexually, that’s all there is. He probably does not want to know you better, call you the next day, or start a relationship with you. While there is nothing wrong with a short term fling, be very clear that that’s what you want, too.
8. Keep And Nurture Your Friendships. Have you ever lost a best friend to a relationship? While spending every minute with your new love is a lot of fun, it can be a mistake to let go of your existing friendships in the long run. Not many people are meant to be together day in and day out. There might even be a point in your relationship when spending time apart is important to keep a healthy balance.
9. Men Are Not Sensitive. Much frustration in relationships is caused by women’s expectations of men to be more understanding, caring and nurturing. While women naturally know how to do this, men don’t. They don’t pick up on the right clues to intuitively know what it is you need and may not comfort you when you feel down, make you hot tea when you are sick, or talk to you when you are stressed out. Instead of being disappointed by this lack of sensitivity, start telling your man what you need and how he can help you. Chances are, he will be happy to oblige.
10. Men Can’t Give You Happiness. Time and again women fall into the trap of thinking that a relationship will bring them the joy they are missing. Truthfully, if you are not happy now, a relationship will most likely make you more miserable. Finding out what makes you happy and pursuing your dream is essential in having a great life. Ultimately, there is no way around it.
The One: Discovering the Secrets of Soul Mate Love by Kathy Freston
Brain Sex: The Real Difference Between Men And Women by Anne Moir and David Jessel
Do you want to find out what lights you up? Take my ‘What Lights You Up – Questionnaire’
Photo Source: Tiago Ribeiro via Flickr under a Creative Commons License