Coaching in Action
Most conflicts exist in our minds.
We think life should be a certain way instead of paying attention to what we actually feel, what we truly want, and what genuinely works for us.
We Think We Know What We Want
Some time ago, I was at a party and spoke with one of the guests about what I do.
“Seminars on relationships? That sounds interesting.”
He immediately leaned in, more engaged.
I have observed this often. The moment relationships come up, something shifts. People become quieter, more attentive, listening closely.
“I have two women in my life. But I think I’m going to break up with one. She’s too old for me, and I think we want different things in life.”
“Hm,” I said, “interesting.”
He looked a little sad.
“The other one is really young. We’re having fun, but it’s nothing long-term. We don’t have much to talk to each other about.”
He shrugged.
“I see,” I said. “Communication is important. It matters to be able to talk to each other.”
What Happens When We Speak About What Feels Right
His whole face changed. He lit up.
“That’s true! That’s what I like about the other woman. It’s fun to talk to her, and I really enjoy her company. She makes me feel good. She’s kind and gentle—and at the same time, smart.”
He became animated, almost excited.
Most conflicts exist in our minds.
We think life should be a certain way instead of paying attention to what actually works for us.
A Conversation That Changed Something
“Why are you breaking up with her?” I asked. “You seem to really like her.”
He paused.
“Well, I don’t think we’re a good match. She’s at a different point in her life, and I think we want different things in the future.”
“You know,” I said, “when you talk about her, something shifts. You light up. It sounds like you genuinely enjoy being with her. Do you really want to give that up so quickly?”
He listened.
“Why not allow yourself to enjoy what you have right now? If, at some point, you truly feel you’re moving in different directions, you can still decide then. Or you might even find a way to shape a life that works for both of you.”
“Hm,” he said slowly. “You think so? Maybe you’re right.”
He looked surprised—almost as if he had just heard something he already knew.
A few months later, I ran into him again.
“You won’t believe it,” he said. “I got engaged!”
“Wow,” I said. “Who is the lucky woman?”
He smiled.
He told me our conversation had helped him see things differently.
“I decided to stop seeing the younger one. We didn’t have much in common. And I have to tell you—my other relationship is incredible. I feel so lucky.”
He looked deeply content.
When You Stop Fighting What You Feel
Most conflicts exist in our minds.
We get caught in ideas of how things should be, instead of staying present with what actually feels alive, meaningful, and true.
When you allow yourself to stay open and to explore what feels good, what inspires you, and what creates connection, you may discover that what truly works for you looks very different from what you once believed it should.
Pause for a Moment
Where in your life are you trying to make the right decision instead of acknowledging what feels true?
- What are you talking yourself out of?
- Where do you already know the answer?
- What feels good, but you are questioning it?
Stay with that for a moment.
Not to decide anything.
Just to notice.
What is one change you’ve been thinking about making in your life?
Sometimes simply naming it can be the first step toward making it real. If you feel like sharing, I would love to hear from you.
As always, thank you for reading.
Karin
Explore Love, Clarity & Self-Trust
If this post resonated with you, you might also enjoy:
The Space Where Love Happens
A reflection on the honest place where real connection begins.
What Love Taught Me About Not Losing Myself
When love asks you to stay close to another person without leaving yourself behind.
Art of Aliveness – How to Listen From the Heart
An invitation to hear what your mind may be questioning, but your heart already knows.
Sometimes clarity does not come from thinking harder. It comes from listening more honestly.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published in 2009 and has been updated with additional insights and exercises.