https://karinlehmann.com/the-art-of-losing-control Tue, 17 Feb 2015 18:51:22 +0000 hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.7.2 https://karinlehmann.com/the-art-of-losing-control#comment-43 Sun, 05 Apr 2009 21:20:57 +0000 http://karinmanskecoaching.com/blog/?p=734#comment-43 MaryBeth,
thank you for your input and sharing the observations you are making with your clients! So true, it can be quite hard to accept things exactly as they are. There is such a balance in just finding the right amount of letting go and holding on, it’s almost like a dance. One of the moments I recall of giving up all control was during child birth, just no holding on there 🙂
~Karin

]]> https://karinlehmann.com/the-art-of-losing-control#comment-42 Sun, 05 Apr 2009 05:30:23 +0000 http://karinmanskecoaching.com/blog/?p=734#comment-42 Well said, Karin!
This is very difficult, because in the West (and especially in the U.S.) our culture rewards those who appear to be always in control — and punishes those who appear to have lost control.
A wise therapist once told me, “Control is an illusion. . .”
To add on to your very wise observations, it’s not realistic to expect to completely release the need to control, when that is all you’ve ever known how to do . . .
The idea of “losing control” is very scary. And, if we’re honest, there’s a time when being in control is appropriate and useful. Your article encourages people to go deeper, beyond the obvious. On the spectrum of “hyper-controlling” to “bat-shit-crazy-out-of-control,” there are an infinite number of points. They key is learning how to self-regulate all along the spectrum, and to feel confident that one’s responses are appropriate and effective, however one chooses in the moment.
How does one learn to do this? Of course there are a variety of modalities, ranging from ultra-hi-tech biofeedback gadgetry (can be very helpful) to simply bringing awareness to everyday activities. As a practitioner of the Feldenkrais Method, I daily see my clients progress in the experience of feeling safe in “allowing” things to be exactly as they are. I think women, especially, feel such an expectation to be pleasing, to meet everyone’s needs, etc., that we start “fixing” (controlling) before we really understand the current conditions. Just taking a moment to pause and notice what is really happening can go a long way in developing peace of mind, confidence, and personal effectiveness.
Great post — thank you!

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